Learning about yourself

Modern psycho-babble tells us that we can’t love someone else until we know and love ourselves. Most of the characters in Pride and Prejudice are blissfully unaware. They all have faults and delusions which prevent them from achieving a deeper affection and intimacy with their partner.

Both Lizzy and Mr. Darcy start on similar paths. Lizzy prides herself on her ability to assess others accurately and rapidly, but later finds that her first impressions are filled with prejudice. Mr. Darcy is cool and distant, but later learns that he was tought to be selfisn and overbearing.

The journey to one another only begins when they start to look at themselves more honestly and critically. The depth of their affection is only reached when they honestly assess their own personalities and tendencies.

Both Lizzy and Mr. Darcy experience profound journeys of self-discovery and soul-baring. These journeys make them more compassionate and more able to find a deep love with each other.

 

Money changes everything

Cyndi Lauper surmised that money changes everything. In Regency England, I’d say that money IS everything in the dating world. Almost 200 years later, I’d say that is probably still the case.  At least Regency England was straightfoward about their obsession with a persons’ financial status.

Almost all the relationships in Pride and Prejudice have a financial element. It is common knowledge how much yearly income Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy earn, and the size of Georgiana Darcy’s inheritance. Mr. and Mrs. Bennet have the entail of Longbourn to worry about. Caroline Bingley is a social climber who ridicules anyone she considers of lower wealth and prestige. Lady Catherine has a compulsive need to show everyone how wealthy she is. Charlotte marries Mr. Collins for financial stability. Mr. Wickham pursues Miss King for her inheritance, and only marries Lydia when Mr. Darcy offers him a financial settlement. Financial situations are common knowledge and in the open.

And yet, money plays a much smaller role in the relationships that Jane Austen holds up as most admirable. Mr. Darcy’s wealth is, of course, well known, but neither of them speak directly of money as reasons for their marriage. Indeed, Elizabeth turns down his first proposal despite the material comfort it would provide for her and her entire family. Even Jane is relatively low key about Mr. Bingley’s wealth.

Jane Austen’s most admirable characters don’t discount the importance of wealth and financial security. But, at the same time, they don’t hold it to be the sole and most important component of life and love.

 

Kindly Meant?

I have long been confused on the conversation between Caroline Bingley and Lizzy at the Netherfield Ball. At this point in the story, Caroline knows that Mr. Darcy admires Lizzy’s “fine eyes,” but I also think she seriously doubts that Mr. Darcy would marry so far beneath his social position. So I would say that she has some vague feelings of jealousy toward Lizzy, but hasn’t yet zeroed in with her wrath and cutting comments.

It is also surprising to me that Caroline Bingley knows of the ill will between Mr. Darcy and Mr. Wickham. Even though she is sketchy in the details, it is surprising to me that she has any knowledge at all. Given how tight-lipped Darcy wanted to be in the matter, it’s hard to imagine that he would have told her personally. Jane Austen later says that Bingley was quite ignorant of the circumstances between Darcy and Wickham, so Caroline would not have heard from Bingley.

Nevertheless, Caroline has some information on the history between Darcy and Wickham. Caroline hears that Lizzy has an affinity for Wickham, and (despite her civil disdain) warns Lizzy not to trust everything that Wickham says. Why?  I can’t figure it out. Caroline herself has nothing to lose if Lizzy falls in love with Wickham. In fact, one would think that Caroline Bingley would WANT Lizzy’s affections directed any anyone else, so that they aren’t directed at Darcy.

Could it really be that Caroline’s intentions truly were kindly meant!?

 

Masters of Disguise

Most of us wear disguises. We figure out ways to make ourselves seem smarter. More attractive. More wealthy. More intelligent. Just better somehow.

Most of the characters in Pride and Prejudice wear disguises, and much of the irony in Jane Austen’s writing is shown when a character’s words are in direct contrast to their actions and disguises.

Lady Catherine disguises herself as a woman of accomplishments– she says she the best natural taste in music and owns the finest instruments, yet doesn’t even know how to play. Mr. Collins disguises himself as a scholarly and charitable man of the cloth, but is more focused on collecting tithes and casting judgements.  Caroline Bingley looks down her nose at the Bennet’s poor connections, yet she herself is the daughter of a tradesman.

Mr. Darcy disguises himself very little, mostly because he has no need of disguises himself.  He already has extreme wealth and superior intelligence. He doesn’t crave attention or a wide circle of friends and acquaintances.

Simply put, as Colonel Fitwilliam comments, he will not give himself the trouble.

 

Reading between the lines

Women. Who can understand them!? Poor Mr. Darcy misreads all sorts of signals from Elizabeth before his first proposal.

Here’s a guy who’s a top catch in the country. He could have his pick of women, and ladies like Caroline Bingley are lining up to get his attention. So anyone whom he would pay a little attention to should lap it up like a kitten to cream, right?

Mr. Darcy unexpectedly sees Elizabeth during his annual Easter trip to Rosing Park. She tells him of her favorite walk paths, so that they can have “chance” meetings outdoors without the prying ears of Lady Catherine or Colonel Fitzwilliam. So he picks up her hint, and meets here there day after day to begin courting her. For what other reason would they want some time alone together?

Obviously, a woman so perception and intuitive as Elizabeth Bennet would pick up on his advances? Even Charlotte notices his attention. Surely, Darcy assumed, Lizzy was understanding the purpose of his attention.

So imagine his utter and complete shock at her refusal. That she never desired his good opinion, and that she didn’t even feel gratitude for his attentions. Women. Who can understand them!?

 

Home sweet home

I love the contrast Jane Austen creates between Rosings and Pemberley. Both houses tell so much about the personality and characteristics of their owners.

Pemberley House, the Darcy family home for generations, is certainly grand and impressive. It speaks of wealth and a long legacy. “Old money,” as they say. But it is also elegantly straight-forward, not overly decorated or adorned. The surrounding landscape is also impeccable, but highlights the natural beauty of the countryside. Like Darcy himself, the house is proud but does not disguise itself with unnecessary grandiosity or disguise.

Rosings Park, on the other hand, is intended to show off in a very obvious fashion. The gardens are heavily manicured and formally styled. The windows are intentionally numerous, and the furnishings are ornate. If Pemberley is “old money,” then Rosings is “nouveau riche.” In fact, the building is described as modern, in contrast to the generations of families who have lived at Pemberley. Just like her home, Lady Catherine likes to display her wealth and superior status for all to see.